There are few large areas in modern life that has not been infested by pseudoscience and quackery. From quantum woo and fake bleach ‘treatments’ for autism to genocide denial and conspiracy theories about mass shootings, it seems to be all around us.
One of the greatest achievements of modern medicine is reducing maternal mortality during childbirth. This has, to a large degree, been due to increased understanding about pathogens and how they are spread as well as how to handle incidents during childbirth with medical competence. Yet birth has not escaped the long reach of pseudoscientific nonsense.
Some people who reject the modern world that science has built and prefer to have a planned homebirth. Compared with hospital births of the same risk, planned homebirth triples neonatal mortality rates and 10x increased the risk of a 5 minute Apgar score of 0.
In particular, homebirth quacks often use certified professional midwives (CPMs) rather than certified nurse midwives (CNMs). This might seem like a trivial difference, but CNMs are nurses with a master’s degree in midwifery whereas CPMs only require a high school diploma and some correspondence courses.
Birth in the wilderness
As if homebirth with an underqualified midwife was not unreasonable enough, some have even decided to give birth in the middle of wilderness, far from human settlement and medical help should something go very bad. In fact, the American cable/satellite TV channel Lifetime created a television series called Born in the Wild, where they covered six families and their wilderness birth in a bizarre maelstrom of narcissism, medical danger and pseudoscientific quackery. In some cases, the nearest medical help was 30 minutes by helicopter. If something were to go wrong, the mothers and their babies might very well end up seriously harmed or dead. Not to mention the fact that a stream in some random forest is probably not an ideal location as far as cleanliness is concerned.
Lotus birth involves letting the umbilical cord stay attached to the child for an extended period of time after birth. This is done because of questionable beliefs about health. In reality, leaving the umbilical cord opens up for pathogens from the rotting placenta to invade the newborns body and risks harmful infections. This is of such a concern that Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists issues a statement warning for these dangers:
Some natural birth quacks believe that a birth is not perfect unless the mother gets an orgasm during birth. It denies the facts about physiology in childbirth and shames mothers who do not attain this experience. If that was not enough reasons to call orgasmic birth a bizarre delusion, some doulas even attempt to masturbate the mother during the birth process by touching the clitoris. This can qualify as sexual abuse or assault in some countries and regions.
While giving birth outside hospitals or medical centers, some mothers want to give birth in a pool or a bathtub.
Like lotus birth, expert groups such as the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists have released a statement highlighting the dangers of this practice:
The complications discussed by these experts in the paper in question are maternal or neonatal infections, problems with neonatal regulation of heat, umbilical cord rupture leading to hemorrhage and shock in the newborn, respiratory distress and electrolyte imbalance, drowning, seizures and suffocation.
Some homebirth quacks do not only advocate water births, but water births assisted by dolphin midwives. Yes, you read that correct: assisted by dolphin midwives. Why? Presumably it is because they have been convinced by Disney movies and zoos that dolphins are friendly creatures that would do no harm, but in reality, dolphins are predators and can harm mothers and newborn and there is also the same risks as water births without dolphins
Many non-human mammals eat the placenta after birth. This is largely due to the mother gaining nutrition, but placentophagy is extremely rare to non-existent in humans, both historically and today. This might be explained by the fact that the placenta can easily get infested with pathogens that are harmful to humans.
Reading about natural birth quackery and its very real risks and consequences is a weird experience. Just when you think you have come across the most ridiculous nonsense you have ever heard about when it comes to quack birth, the next thing shocks you even more.