“My Girlfriend Believes in Crystals, Homeopathy and the Deep State”
What should you do when you find out that your girlfriend embraces quackery like crystal healing and homeopathy as well as Deep State conspiracy theories?
Imagine that your otherwise intellectually rigorous girlfriend, who you have been dating for a period of time, suddenly tells you that she rejects some of the most well-supported scientific explanatory models in all of science. She does not accept Big Bang or evolution because they just do not make sense to her and what does not make sense to her must be false. What if she also refuses to talk about it and cannot understand that things can be scientifically accurate even if she personally does not understand the intimate physical, mathematical and biological details?
This is the third installment in a new series called Skepticism and Relationships. In this series, we will examine traditional and social media posts that relate to skeptics and their relationship troubles with people who are pseudoscience activists, quackery pushers or rabid conspiracy theorists. This aims to be a productive contribution to the area of how to handle relationship issues as a scientific skeptic and fill that relatively unexplored niche. So far, we have looked at how to handle a friend who thinks she is a witch and what to do if you have a partner who rejects the Big Bang and evolution.
Let us proceed to the relationship issue that is the focus of this post. What should you do if you find out that a partner rejects basic science.
Talk about core issues before entering into a relationship
It is absolutely vital to discuss core issues that matter to you before entering into a long-term relationship. Preferably, this should be done during the dating stage or at the very least, discuss it early into the relationship. Sometimes it can seem daunting to bring up important issues early, but you will save yourself so much time, effort and emotional labor. You can even make it into a game. You take turn ask each other serious questions as a game. It is often said that you should never discuss religion or politics on the first date, but it is an effective method if you want to sort away people who you do not mesh with.
If you are a hardcore pro-science atheist, then it is not advisable to date a religious person who believes in pseudoscience, quackery and conspiracy theories. Since this matters to you, it is clear that you two are not compatible. When dating, it is important to identify and define what values you think are important and select only those potential partners that match that list of requirements. Do not focus too much on external appearance as that will fade over time.
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Homoeopathy and crystals? Red flag!
Homeopathy is a form of pseudoscientific quackery that claims that water has memory, that the more you dilute a substance the stronger it becomes and that like cures like. Based on the bulk of scientific research that has been done, it is ineffective for just about everything. It does not outperform placebo. In fact, there are many reasons for why homeopathy is even worse than placebo. Homeopathic products can be contaminated, there is very little dosage controls, it discourages the use of real medicine, it dulls critical thinking and it is a total waste of money. In other words, homeopathy is still bullshit. Some quacks even push homeopathy for Ebola. This is completely batshit.
The first mistake that you did was thinking that you can avoid caring about it if did not affect you. This is because believing in pseudoscientific quackery impacts the worldview of a person. It always impacts you, directly or indirectly. The beliefs that someone have tells you a lot about their personality. It is not enough to find these ideas stupid, you have to understand the harm it does to human health and how it undermines critical thinking.
Sending a Deep State conspiracy video early? Red flag!
You write that the woman sent you a conspiracy theory video about the deep state? This is a massive red flag and should have been a dealbreaker. It is important to be sensitive to and recognize these kinds of issues. Do not let yourself be bewitched by infatuation. You should have gone no contact with this person the moment they sent you the video and you realized what kind of person they were. You even went and found the alt-right source! This means that you were not confused by love. You should have listened to your inner voice telling you that this relationship is a bad idea.
She is bad at communicating? Red flag!
You state in your post that she is difficult to talk to. You have to walk on egg shells and introduce the topic “delicately”. This is a bad sign that shows that her ability to communicate is not where it is supposed to be. Being bad at communication is a red flag and will only lead to relationship problems downstream.
Confounded by love? Should you break up?
It is important to understand that you might be infatuated and that this might get in the way of a rational approach to understanding the situation. Do not stay in a relationship. You know that you are not compatible on an intellectual, moral or emotional level. If you cannot persuade her to abandon her ignorant beliefs, you will never be satisfied in the relationship.
You should instead break up and look for another partner who is more intellectually compatible with you. It does not matter how much you love your girlfriend or think that she is attractive. The basic intellectual incompatibility will be a dark shadow over your relationship and you are unlikely to be intellectually or emotionally fulfilled. It will irritate you to no end over the years. Since it is a long-distance relationship and you do not seem to have any children together, do not move in with her and instead eject yourself from the relationship before it is too late.
